~T~R~I~C~I~A~

OKAY, so I live in the land of sunshine, and tourists are something we FLORIDIANS try to overlook, but for GODS SAKE, do any of you own a mirror, or have friends or family that can tell you how absolutely ridiculous you look?????????!!!!!!

Rule number 1 - NEVER, NEVER, NEVER wear socks with your sandals. (Especially black ones!) Please, I'm begging here.


Rule number 2 - Learn how to wear flip-flops properly. Flip-flops are the Dieties for Floridians. Worship them, and they will be good to you. Foot should fit properly in a flip-flop with NO TOES hanging over the edge, and no heels scraping the ground you walk upon.

Rule number 3 - Sneakers, tennis shoes, tenni-runners, keds, nikes, or whatever you want to call them should be worn when working out ONLY. Good grief man, let those toes breathe! (Besides the quickest way to be spotted as a tourist is to wear socks and tennis shoes at the beach.)

Rule number 4 - Shirts with puffy paint spelling out anything to do with the beach and surfing is a NO NO. (Our waves are NOT big enough to properly surf.) Simplicity people, simplicity!! Light colors, short sleeves, and PLAIN as possible. (Music shirts would be the exception.)

Rule number 5 - EVER HEARD OF SUNSCREEN?! It is bad enough that I have to see your lilly white skin in the glare of the sun, but do you think we're kidding when we say you have to wear sunscreen at ALL times? The UV index is rarely below 10+, and it is even worse when it is cloudy, so gradually introduce that virgin skin to sunlight my friends, or your vacations will be ruined.


Ah, so having those few things off my chest, I can now sleep at night.

Tootles...